Hostest with the Mostest

Canada has once again proved itself to be the ideal host of an international sporting event. Yes we have great space, a beautiful country, world class sporting venues, friendly crowds, pleasant weather, and outstanding organizing staff. But what really sets Canada apart is how we bend over backwards and literally take it up the ass on the field. Yes, if it meant pleasing our international adversaries, we would quite literally have our first son killed, or allow the beating of our sisters and wives before we even thought about succeeding on the field.

These comments come on the heals of Canada's putrid finish at the FIFA U20 men's World Cup of soccer. This failure is in sharp contrast to the event's success off the field. As of Sunday's quarterfinal game, Canada had become only the second host country to attract over 1 million fans. Moreover, Canada is only 56,000 fans away from breaking the all-time tournament attendance record. Quite an accomplishment for a country that has never had any degree of success in the sport - at least on the men's side. With the semi finals and final to go, Canada is sure to establish a new benchmark for attendance.

Contrast this success off the field with the absolute flaccidity of Canada's team on the field. Canada did not win any games. In fact Canada was one of only 3 teams in the tournament with 0 points. The other 2 being our Commonwealth brethren Scotland and New Zealand. At least the Kilts and the Kiwis scored a goal. Canada was so gracious to its opponent to not even score a goal. Not a single goal in 3 games. For the tournament, Canada was -6 and can officially been said to have finished last of the 24 teams. In fact, I could easily say that were it not for the host status, Canada wouldn't belong at it's own party. Pathetic. They could have just as easily have dressed up the players and had them serve cocktail wieners in the crowd.

And to make matters worse, in not scoring a goal, Canada became the only host country to ever bear such a dubious distinction. You may remember that Canada's last raping at the hands of international sports nations was in 1988 and then previously in 1976. These years being of course the times when Canada hosted the Olympics and promptly won no gold medals. Yes, we are certainly a country that has gone to full lengths in accommodating our guests. Oh what's that, if we win gold medals or score goals that may hamper your chances of winning? Oh my, we're sorry. Canada is certainly famous for sorries. Perhaps the Canadian Sports Federation owes its population a great big sorry. Ya, you heard me. Hey idiots, when it was announced that Canada would be hosted the FIFA U20 tournament, why didn't you immediately start a grass roots recruiting program targeted at putting together a successful team?

I'm guessing that Canada found out it would host the tournament 3 years ago. As such, Soccer Canada could have immediately hired an international head coach, paid him well, and given him the resources necessary for success. Look, I won't belabor the point, but there is a direct correlation between sports funding and sports success. I'm too tired to go into here, but the example are numerous. Had Canada set up a recruiting system in 2004, they could have identified solid 15 and 16 year olds who would be ready for the tournament. Take these kids, work with them, coach them at a high level. Keep them together, and have them focus on the success of this tournament. It is a failure of not just the current players but our entire country that such a poor showing was allowed to occur. As a wealthy and advanced nation, Canada owes the soccer world an apology for putting together such a weak showing. For goodness sakes they even had a game on Canada Day. One goal. One freaking goal is all I ask for.